Dear me,
It's ok. I know it feels like it's not ok right now but it will be. I know you feel like the days are long and the nights go on forever (with not much sleeping), but everything is a phase and you will sleep again. I promise! Although get used to the early morning wake up calls and stock up on concealer though! I know it feels lonely and like you are so distant from everyone, and no one really knows how dark it feels to you.
It feels like everyone is having the best time with their babies and no one ever moans about the sore nipples, stitches, everything covered in baby sick, the complete mental and physical exhaustion, the explosion poo's (including the time you walked around IKEA with baby poo all down you and you couldn't work out where the smell was coming from), and you just wonder are you the only one finding it so hard? You're not the only one and you will find your people, the friends that truly get it. That tiny baby, the one that never sleeps, grows up and those phases seem long gone. He starts to walk, well he runs EVERYWHERE and then you have to potty train which is a whole lot of fun FYI ha. You will feel like you didn't make the most of it when he was so small, but it's hard work so don't beast yourself up about that.
Things won't really go how you planned, and you will find it just you and that tiny boy making it on your own. But you are the BEST team and you are so much more capable than you think you are. You will go through a tough time but it turns out to be the making of you. Oscar was meant to come into your life when he did for a reason, for that I am certain.
Over the next few years you will become resilient and such a strong person. You will doubt yourself A LOT, and at times will wonder if you have made the best decisions (starting your own business will be the best decision you ever make FYI) but it will all work out. It always does. Stop doubting yourself.
When you look back in 5 years time and realise how far you've come, you will be amazed at what you have achieved for you and your boy. You are doing a job you ADORE, Oscar is so bright and thriving in everything he does. You did that all on your own and I wish you could see now the person you will become.
All my love,
Me x
